How To Get Through To An Unapproachable Woman

Approaching women: we aim to act suave like James Bond, but often come across like the French skunk Pepe Le Pew, pursuing a cat that doesn’t quite hear our call.

The initial approach is a game of cat and mouse that is made much harder by the fact that women love to be a challenge. They’ll act nonchalant and hard to get, and it’s on you to figure out whether she doesn’t want to be approached or if she’s just making you work for it in the name of courtship.

To crack this girl code, we sought advice from a diverse trio of ladies that are familiar with the matter. Pop stars Charli XCX and Tinashe, and former Miss Universe Olivia Culpo (2012) were all at SoBe’s 21st birthday party in Las Vegas, where the brand launched two new flavors of the drink (Midnight Mojito and En Fuego). After the show, we caught up with them at the pool party to get their approach on approaching.

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A Challenge Or Not Interested?

Approaching women would be so much easier if we knew one key thing going in: is she interested?

“There are some signs that can indicate she might be interested. Woman might do subconscious things like play with their hair or orient their body towards your direction,” says 24 year-old global pop phenomenon Charli XCX. That supports what a lot of dating experts have suggested. A woman might not be blatant about it, but she’ll subtly make moves to communicate interest, like moving closer to you, getting in your line of sight or making eye contact. Olivia Culpo, the former Miss Universe, believes the eyes can reveal her intentions.

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“If there is no eye contact then that reads stay away,” says Culpo, who was crowned Miss Universe in 2012. “Body language can reveal a lot. If a woman is making eye contact and smiling then move on in.

Why Do They Play Hard To Get?

There are a number of theories as to why women like to be appear indifferent during the approach phase. Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she had a bad experience with a previous guy or maybe she wants to be a challenge to weed out the men who aren’t confident enough to approach her.

“That’s a factor. Everyone initially will have their standards for their potential partners,” says Tinashe, who’s smash hit "2 On" has now surpassed 125 million views on YouTube. When it comes to standards, remember that the most beautiful women get hit on quite often. That means they don’t need to broadcast their interest, even more so because they’re getting attention either way. But as we head down the spectrum, the other women are more likely to give you some cues, and that’s why we feel those women are more approachable.

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The other factor is that women like to be chased. Actually, it’s not a just a female thing; we all like that feeling.

“I think everyone loves the chase. Girls like the chase and so do guys. We all like to know that we’re wanted,” says Tinashe. It’s feels warm inside when someone expresses their interest. We’re an approval-seeking species, so when someone is hitting on us, it hits the spot.

How To Talk To An Unapproachable Woman

The key is to be confident, be original and be yourself. The hotter the woman, the more she’s been hit on, which means she’s not easy to impress. Going in with pickup lines or common strategies are things that she’s seen before and is probably sick of.

“Have a sense of humor and be natural,” says Tinashe. “Don’t use any type of line. The best way to approach a woman is to be yourself and act as natural as possible. Just think about having a normal type of conversation. Sometimes guys over-think and then their approach doesn’t seem natural, so it gets weird.”

We put hot women up on a pedestal. It’s just something we do as men. But they’re just people too, except they just play a different position in the dating game. If you’ve never been a cute woman on Tinder or a babe at a bar, you might not realize how often they’re approached. Understanding their perspective will help you get through to them.

Improve Your Odds

Regardless of whether or not you can read what’s going on in her mind, you need to put yourself in position to succeed. That means looking, smelling and feeling good when you approach her.

“I like a guy who takes care of himself and likes to look clean,” says Culpo. “A smelly guy is definitely a turn off!”

All 3 women echoed those sentiments as they all put a focus on cleanliness and grooming more than anything else. That means you need to put yourself in position to succeed. You still might not get the girl for a number of reasons but don’t let it be something that you could have controlled.

Is “Unapproachable” In Your Head?

If there were no feelings involved, would you really care if she seems unapproachable or not? Nope. You’d just make a move and be genuine, and you’d either hit it off or keep it moving. But instead of just walking over to get to know a stranger, guys will put a lot of pressure on the outcome to get a number or get laid and that’s where the approach goes awry.

“Just be funny. Funny always goes over well, so try to think of something funny to break the ice rather than being weird or using pickup lines,” says Charli XCX. She’s often the one making the first move but when she is being courted, her advice is to just have some fun with the approach.

At the end of the day, you might not figure out her body language to determine if she’s just being a challenge or something more, but what do you have to lose by approaching? Yes, you’re putting yourself out there but if you treat her with respect, chances are she’ll do the same even if she’s taken or disinterested.